I most certainly married my soul mate and best friend! We’ve been asked what our secret is and receive compliments on what a great relationship we have. So I want to share with you what makes our relationship work. Here’s the secret ladies…it’s…..there is no secret!
There are two very important things that truly make our relationship work and that is respect & communication. You’re probably thinking, “What the hell Amanda, you’ve only been married two months, you have no idea what you’re talking about!” In my own defense I am not new to relationships and have been surrounded by excellent role models. We also took a 13 week marriage prep course and learned crapola from it! (I highly recommend taking one if you’re thinking about marriage, engaged, or even married.) I am no expert and every day is trial and error, I just want to share what has worked for us.
Respect in the relationship. This is something we work on every day. I am a morning person and Thad is not! When I get up early in the mornings Thad sleeps in at least two hours longer than I. Let me tell you, I am like a bull in a China shop. I don’t know how to close doors quietly, set items down softly, or whisper very well apparently LoL! This frustrated Thad at times. To me…well I thought there was no issue haha. The sun is shining and it’s time to get up, right? So the compromise…being more aware of my actions. I learned to respect that sleeping beauty cherishes his rest. This is the smallest of examples about respect, but I feel if you let things go or brush it under the rug it can only fuel the fire for larger issues down the road. Another small example is taking the effort to say thank you. I.e. “Thank you for taking out the trash.” It may be his duty to take out the trash, but acknowledging that you appreciate him really goes a long way. We can sit here forever and list specific things to be more respectful about, but I think you’ve got the idea. I’d like to bring up one last thing, and it’s very important. We do not ever poke fun or cut each other down. Does telling your significant other that they’re “lazy” or say “so and so’s husband does it for her!” make the situation at hand any better? How do you think by saying these things makes your husband feel? I know how it would make me feel. We can get very frustrated, I get it…you’ve told him 1,000 times that the mirror needs to be hung up, for Christ sake your mother in law is coming over in a couple of days and she gave it to you! Trust me there are better ways of asking to get things done. Which is a great lead in to my next topic, communication.
Let’s go back to that damn mirror that’s been sitting on the floor for weeks. I had just moved in to the house and Thad’s mom mailed us a really pretty mirror. It was coming down to the wire and Mrs. Marvin was coming over for dinner. I had been cleaning and prepping the house all week. This was the first time I would be having her over. Aggravated, I blew the whole thing out of proportion. Thad’s reaction…not so good. By this point we’re arguing over something so trivial. Let’s get down to the root of it. It’s not the mirror we’re really arguing about here. Thad had a stressful week at work and instead of noticing, I was too busy worrying about my own issues. Had I taken the time to be more observant during the week and be more involved in what was going on with him, this entire thing could have been avoided. Our lives are crazy and we all have a lot of things going on at once. I’m not saying I’m completely in the wrong here, Thad was so worried about his own issues he didn’t take the time to see all the effort I was putting into this one dinner. So to me, it meant he didn’t care and that was frustrating. There are always two sides to a story. Taking the time to talk and express your feelings goes a super duper long way. If something is bothering you, you need to talk about it. Don’t think it’s not important, because if it is to you, it should be to him. *Tip: Take the time out of your busy day to send a text or call your significant other. This helps set the tempo when you both come home from work. You’ll know if your partner had a good day or a bad day, and it’ll help prep you for what to be expecting when you walk through the door.
All in all, what I’m learning is that my husband can’t read my mind! Communication and respect are definitely key. There are ways to bring up topics and talk about things without arguing. Relationships take work. Like a plant you must water and nourish it daily.
Until next time!